Life
17th April, 2011 - Posted by admin - No Comments
There once was a girl named Rose. When she was little she was talkative and adventurous. She relied on no one and found it hard to forge long-lasting relationships. By the time she got to high-school she became quiet and reserved, and confided in few. She would get lost in the fantasy world of TV shows and music that encouraged or didn’t discourage that behavior. Influenced by that Rose viewed herself as the quiet yet thoughtful girl who could be outgoing and adventurous with the support of her friends – in time, she had made friends in high-school. She still perceived herself as a bit of a loner, not really fitting completely though. This pattern continued when she went to seminary for the year and then in college. Truth be told, it still continues.
Through the years, she dreamed of getting married and what she wanted her husband to be like. She figured that since she was different he would be intrigued by her and fall in love with her as he got to know her better and vice versa. She thought/hoped that it would be just like in a certain novel she read when she was a senior in high-school in which by faith that happened.
Instead, years after high-school and frustrated with the men she did go out with and pretty much having gave up on love, it happened that she was asked out by someone different. She didn’t think he was the one she dreamed of but figuring there was no reason not to, she went out with him. From the second date it was clear he was hooked, which drew her in. She needed more time however to feel likewise. Perhaps too much time. They continued to see each other and the relationship blossomed but something was missing. The talk about the relationship and where they were going, was one thing. The girl not knowing what she was doing, ended up hurting the boy (she assumed) and getting hurt back.
In desperation, the girl said words that she either did or did not mean and that will stick with her, if not him, forever. Whether or not certain things could have been done differently, it was unlikely that it would have truly been a match that led to marriage. The lack of self-confidence on both sides and social pressures make it unlikely that it would have ever succeeded. It was a relationship that probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place but did and developed until fate intervened. This much time after, I should not still think about it, and even though I think of the things throughout the relationship that made it destined to fail and why I would never go back if there was a second chance, I know that means that I’m not fully over it.
I am still coming to conclusions and having realizations that make me ready though for a new relationship. One in which there are no presumptions or dream hopes. One based in reality and with heightened self-awareness and consciousness. As cliche as it is, he was the lesson I had to learn.
Posted on: April 17, 2011
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